abby road

the confusion of indecision
the falsity of words
the rebellion of the heart
the vulgarity of raw impulse
the sadness of loss
the anger of the pent up 
the jealousy of another
the boredom of dissatisfaction
the annoyance of the unsaid
the anxiety of the uncontrollable
the judgement of the institution
the greed for the world

somehow all these things that are so filthy, God uses, and ultimately creates something profound.

He’s a poet, and understands the fascinating human condition in ways no human ever can~~~

creatures of impulse

men, women, girls, boys—we’re all creatures of impulse. and often times, the worst decisions are made when we act on these impulses. 

but sometimes the best/most liberating ones are, too

so i can’t definitely say that it’s good or bad. & i also can’t really be unforgiving with small mistakes here and there (from me, from others)—i’m glad! part of my new years resolutions was to make mistakes because i’m often too cautious. if you’re making mistakes, you’re “making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.”

I feel like maybe my own year started earlier than january’12, because i’ve been feelin’ this theme since the summer. & as i continue to learn and still continue to (try to) Do Somethings, i’m excited and scared for whatever’s next and new in mah lifee. wootwoot. i definitely see change as an ongoing thingg in this era of my lifetime.

cuddl3bug

was my very first screen name (embarrassingly).

but also what the nurses in my mother’s delivery room nicknamed me, after birth. this is because, unlike many other babies who’d either be limp or squirming, the nurses said i’d just meld into arms and snuggle into nearby bosoms—according to my mama. 

growing up, however, i’ve always thought i was cold and uncomfortable with touch and physical closeness. i don’t like people invading my space and often shuffle away. or tense up in a hug. i’m one of those annoying side-huggers. 

i’m learning, though, that i may actually be innately affectionate. this is surprising and confusing to me.

.

anyways, i’m looking at my old posts, and what do you know? this is yet another entry about my contradictory self. in fact, this blog is a self-centered, self-projected (yet usually honest) shoveling of who i am. sometimes i wish that there was someone else who is as interested in who i am—as i am. gawd that statement just made me the most unattractive and selfish person evarr, huh? 

but there is One like that. He so loves that He gave His son, & therefore cares for me and lovingly listens to my brain trying to make sense of things when He already knows it all. 

man, i must look so stupid, the only thing that really matters is who HE is.